Why you struggle with growth... and what to do about it

If someone asked you to spend 15 hours sitting in a cramped metal tube with a bunch of other people, would you say yes?

Probably not.

Well, what if I add this in: you get to spend two weeks in <insert your desired foreign travel destination here>.

I'm guessing that would change things up a bit?

Growth, like international travel, is a journey that can be a long and uncomfortable one, often accompanied by unexpected obstacles, struggles, and detours.

For someone like me, who is in the business of change, that might not be great marketing copy. But, it is the truth.

There are plenty of people selling change who aren’t above, shall we say, exaggerating the ease and pace of it, whether it's through advertising or on social media.

That's more problematic than a lot of people realize: whether or not the messages are accurate, if we hear them enough, we can start to internalize them as truth.

And here's another factor that comes into play when it comes to change and growth: unlike an international trip, when it comes to growth, we’re hardly ever at the 'destination'; we spend most of our time on the journey.

So, when the question is ‘are we there yet?’, the answer is nearly always 'no'. Mix that with those distorted messages about the pace of change that we've been internalizing, and, well, it's easy to slip into feeling like a failure. Not exactly a path to increasing confidence and motivation, is it?

Anyone surprised why our change efforts fail so often?

The solution isn’t effortless by any means, but it is pretty simple in concept. Try this 3-step process:

1) Adjust your expectations. The painful truth: change usually goes slower than we want or expect it to, and it tends to be messy, and uncomfortable. Our brain may default to interpreting those experiences as a sign that something's 'wrong'. But, if you start by setting your expectations more realistically, it'll help you see the inevitable challenges for what they are: a normal part of the process.

2) Take action. In this step, simply focus on executing the change you're seeking to make as well as you can. Don’t constantly question, challenge, adjust, or tweak what you’re doing in the midst of it. Do gather data about the results you’re getting if possible.

2) Review & Refine: Set up periodic times to check your progress. Identify what's working and what's not. Determine some adjustments you can make to build on what is working and address what isn't. If you're having a hard time doing this on your own, it's a great spot to get some outside support, whether it's from a friend or a professional.

3) Take another shot at it. More bad marketing copy here: This is a trial and error approach, and there will be errors. It's growth. It's gonna be messy, time-consuming, and frustrating. It'll probably take you multiple iterations to get the change dialed in where you want it. Is that a problem? Only if you decide it means something's wrong with you instead of understanding that it's an inevitable part of growth. (This is why that part about setting your expectations appropriately is so important.) Now, to be fair, I also need to note this: a lot of you received more than your fair share of 'if it's not perfect it's garbage' or 'mistakes aren't ok' messaging in your life. If that's you, this can be a really challenging mindset shift to implement. Doesn't mean you can't do it, but it does mean you'll need some extra patience and compassion for yourself. This is one I end up doing a lot of work with clients on.)

Success isn't about avoiding mistakes (learning this was incredibly freeing for me, might be true for you, too?) You may have heard this quote before: “The biggest difference between a master and a beginner is that the master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.”

So, it'll take time, it'll be messy, but here's the good part: If you follow this process and stick with it, progress isn't just possible, it's inevitable.

Struggling with your attempts to change and grow? I might be able to help. Why not set up a free consultation call? We'll take a look at what's going on with you and explore whether I might be able to help you on your journey.