Un-planning

For some of us, spontaneity isn’t freeing — it’s destabilizing.

The idea of doing something unplanned can stir anxiety, resistance, or even quiet panic.

Predictability feels safer.

But, over time, it can start to feel like its own kind of confinement.

I'm pretty familiar with this particular tension. For a long time, structure and consistency were my security blankets, giving my life a predictable rhythm that I used to try and balance the various anxieties I was often struggling with.

Here's the problem: when plans fell apart or unexpected changes appeared, my reactions (anxiety, frustration, shutdown) usually just made things worse.

There's a paradox here that a lot of my clients wrestle with: Our attempts to avoid discomfort usually just create more of it.

When I decided it was time for me to do something about this, I decided to experiment with something: planning my spontaneity. (Yeah, seems contradictory, but hang in there.)

Here’s what I did:

• I would block off a chunk of time on my calendar.
• The only rule for that time was: do whatever you feel like doing in the moment.
• No agenda. No expectations.

The time container and the 'do what you want' rule provided structure, but also facilitated spontaneity.

Over time, this helped me respond better when things didn't go according to plan. Why? I was more used to checking in with myself and making a decision in the moment instead of leaning on one I'd made when planning.

I'm not going to tell you I just go with the flow smoothly when things don't go according to plan. I still need a minute to step back and reset myself. But, once I do, I'm able to proceed forward confidently.

If you’re someone who struggles more with letting go than with making plans, this experiment might be worth a try!

This kind of work — helping people expand capacity without forcing themselves — is at the heart of the work I do with clients. If that speaks to you, you can learn more here.