The reading trap (and how to escape it)

Why smart people often stay stuck, and what to do instead

In my work, I end up recommending a lot of books – I think they can be a valuable adjunct to the work I do with my clients. Kelly was a client who always seemed to be one step ahead of me when it came to book recommendations. Most of the time, she’d at least heard of the author, and in some cases she'd already read the book.

Initially, I thought this was great – someone obviously interested in learning, personal development, and growth. But, as we worked together, I saw that she wasn’t making much progress. During one session, I shared the observation that there seemed to be a gap between her level of knowledge and how much change was happening in her life.

She laughed. “You mean just reading the books isn’t enough?”

I wish.

Don't get me wrong — books are great. Reading is good for our brains. It gives us new information, introduces us to new ideas, and helps us to conceptualize things in new and different ways.

Books are a powerful tool for acquiring knowledge. But like all tools, it's not that valuable by itself. It's in their application that the real value of tools emerges.

Tools, all too often, end up becoming a problematic distraction, especially if we fall into the trap of conflating the quality of our tools with the quality of what we do. Spend time talking with people involved in any hobby that has tools associated with it and you'll see this. (Personally, I've spent way too much time and money on guitars and camera gear under the illusion that they'd magically make me better at either activity.)

At the end of the day, it's less about the tool, and more about the skill. It turns out, for example, that there are plenty of great photos taken with old cameras and a lot of great musicians who play cheap guitars.

So, all the knowledge in the world only goes so far. The real value comes from the application of it.

But, that's also the uncomfortable, messy, vulnerable part, which is a big part of why we tend to avoid it.

Kelly was a smart, highly educated professional with a graduate degree. She'd also grown up in a family that highly valued education but didn't share much about the messier parts of their journeys.

Add to that the inaccurate and dysfunctional messaging about mistakes that's so prominent in our society and, well, it's not surprising that she was stuck, is it?

Kelly knew, at some level, that reading wasn't enough. What she didn't yet know was how to overcome the emotional obstacles that made action seem so difficult.

As so many of my clients do, she'd built up stories around the mistakes and messiness that are an inevitable part of growth and development. So, she leaned into the learning part of growth, something that felt comfortable and familiar.

(That actually created a secondary problem: too much information and too many ideas. A 'perfect' recipe for generating analysis paralysis.)

So, how did we address this? Three things:

1) I encouraged her to change how she approached her reading. Instead of the 'more is better' approach, she started applying the 80/20 rule. So, instead of reading several books on a topic, she shifted to reading one, and added in taking time to think about and make notes about the information in the book and the aspects she wanted to apply in her life.

2) We did a lot of work to unpack, explore, and question her stories about growth, mistakes, and how learning and growth really works. This started to loosen things up in her brain enough to open up possibilities for other truths and other paths. (This was actually the most impactful part, and was an element woven throughout the rest of our work together.)

3) We worked together to build a system for her to start applying her knowledge. The challenge here? Finding something that fell into the 'stretch zone' - uncomfortable enough to support growth, but not so uncomfortable that it overwhelmed her and caused her defense mechanisms to kick in. As it always does, it took a lot of experimentation and iteration.

If you’ve found yourself stuck in the learning loop, you’re not alone. We lean into learning for a reason: it feels safe, familiar, and productive. And, up to a point, it is.

Knowledge and insight, though, can only take us so far. Ultimately, growth requires action and vulnerability.

That can leave us feeling awkward, exposed, and a little lost. Not fun.

Often, what we need to move forward isn't more information. It's finding a way to feel less uncomfortable and alone on the journey and in our vulnerability. If that sounds like what you might be needing right now, I'd be glad to talk.