How to actually enjoy the holidays

Happy holidays?

Every year around this time, my phone starts ringing as the stresses of the season take their toll.

While the holidays can be joyful and meaningful, they’re often overwhelming, especially for those of us with people-pleasing tendencies. There’s pressure to say yes to everything, to be cheerful no matter what, and to make sure everyone else is happy…which can ultimately come at the expense of your happiness.

So many people take the “grit your teeth and get through it” approach because they don’t feel like they have a real choice. 

I get it—that’s what the broader societal messaging is—but I want to offer a few simple strategies that can help the season go a lot more smoothly for you and for the people around you.

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1. Make a family plan

Everyone comes into the holidays with their own expectations, hopes, and rhythms. In families, this can lead to chaos or resentment when those don’t line up.

Take the time to sit down together and talk through what matters most to each person—both the big picture and the specific traditions or activities. This helps align expectations, reduce misunderstandings, and make it easier to say no to things that don’t fit.

2. Say ‘no’ (it doesn’t make you a grinch)

This is a great time to practice boundaries. Calendars fill up fast—parties, events, shopping, school performances, neighborhood things, work things…

You don’t need to do it all.

A simple no can do a lot of heavy lifting here:

“Thanks for the invite—we won’t be able to make it this year.”

That’s all you have to say—even if the real reason is that you just don’t want to go.

If saying no feels too uncomfortable, try this:

Go, but set a clear limit on your time. You can always say you have another commitment (even if that commitment is going home to recharge with a book).

3. Give a lot—but spend less

How long did it take to pay off last year’s gifts?

Chances are, some of the more expensive ones weren’t even appreciated for that long.

If money’s tight—or even if it’s not—consider giving differently:

• Gifts of service – Match your skills to someone’s needs. Offer help, support, or time.
• Homemade gifts – Bake, build, write, or create. These often mean far more than store-bought items.
• Gifts of meaning – One of my mom’s favorite gifts was a calendar I made of photos of my daughter. It was inexpensive and simple—but personal—and she kept it for years.

4. Don’t ditch the self-care

Yes, it’s a busy season. 

Yes, there’s more sugar and less time.

But, this is exactly when you need your self-care most—movement, sleep, quiet time, etc.

You’re a lot more likely to enjoy the holidays (and help others do the same) when you’re grounded and resourced.

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One last thought…

If the holidays tend to bring out your inner chameleon—the version of you that tries to make everyone happy while slowly burning out—you’re not alone.

And you don’t have to keep doing it that way.

If you’d like more support in navigating boundaries, stress, and family dynamics—this season or beyond—I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter or schedule a free consultation to see if working together feels like a fit.

Take care of yourself this season. You’re worth it.