Confidence or courage – which comes first?

We humans get so many things backwards. We think: ‘I need more confidence, then I’ll be more brave.’ Here’s the problem: confidence comes from effort and results. We can’t become more confident in ourselves and our ability to do something without taking action...

Consider the Source

I was a pretty sensitive kid … and it was something that I was judged and criticized for a lot in my younger years. It became a source of shame for a number of years … until I came to really understand what a strength it could be and how to use it in a positive way....

What if your story is wrong?

What do the negative voices in your head say about you? That you’re ‘stupid,’ ‘defective,’ ‘not good enough,’ ‘a loser’? Do they pile on with messages about how you’ll never change … about how you can’t change? Well, try some of these...

You can’t think your way out of fear

  This seems counterintuitive, I know. After all, we use our brains to problem solve. So, we believe that … … If we just do enough thinking, we’ll be able to figure out a plan, a backup plan, and a backup to the backup plan. … If we just keep thinking about it,...

Are we there yet?

Have you ever taken a long car trip with kids? It can be pretty rough. They aren’t patient, they don’t care about the journey, and they manage to take up an amazing amount of space for being small. The more they focus on ‘are we there yet?’, the more frustrated and...

How to eat an elephant

I’d been working with a new client for a couple of months. One day she came in and said “I need to talk to you about something. It’s got me totally overwhelmed, and it’s very hard to talk about.” “Sure,” I said gently. “What’s going on?” She told me that...

The unexpected opportunity in apology

If you aren’t a fan of apologizing, you’re not alone. In my experience, most people don’t like apologizing, even those who apologize for things when they don’t actually need to. Why? It means admitting that you’re wrong – and that’s something which is difficult...

The Problem with Relationship Rules

We live in a world that has all sorts of rules, but that approach breaks down in relationship. Here’s the problem with relationship rules:   Who’s going to enforce them?   You can spend all day gathering data to support your position that your...

It Can’t Be Saved

I’m sure you’ve heard this one before: “Nothing comes for free.”   It’s true. Everything costs some combination of time and energy (and often money). Today, though, I want to focus on time.   In studying highly successful people (in any area of life,...